


Enigma

by asphyxiajun



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Complex Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Love, minor smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 22:46:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphyxiajun/pseuds/asphyxiajun
Summary: Love doesn’t always go the way you want it to. You aren’t always liked back by the person you like. It happens.They just didn’t expect it to happen like this.





	Enigma

4 years is a long time to get to know someone. When you become close friends and spend almost every day training together, you learn to pick up on a few things. Even when no words are exchanged, even when the one being observed doesn’t necessarily want to be found out, it can still be clear as day to the one observing if they look hard enough for all of those telling quirks.

The way they tense their shoulders, the carefully silent intakes and carefully shaky exhales of breath, the slight crease that forms between their brows usually hidden by dark bangs.

Junhee had learned by now to read when Sehyoon was having a breakdown. He always hid himself away in the darkest corners he could find, doing everything in his power to stay frozen and not make the faintest whisper of a sound for fear of being discovered. Why he made so much effort to be lost, he would never know, and honestly Junhee didn’t need to know. Where he didn’t mind sharing all of his thoughts and feelings, Sehyoon was much more carefully guarded about what he let out and who he let in. Every inch given against his walls was a giant neon sign of trust, trust that would be easily lost if his barriers were compromised or cracked open by force. He’d learned that the hard way when they first became friends.

He had also learned, however, that for all of Sehyoon’s defenses, he still craved comfort when he was at his weakest so long as it was from the right person, and being the leader he was, he had no problem acting as that crutch when he was needed. 

That was how Junhee found himself sitting in their dorm’s small attic space with their second-eldest member after getting his unspoken permission to join him, offering a warm hand on his shoulder while he waited. It was never the right decision to push these things with Sehyoon since he would open up when he wanted to, so he just coaxed him along to try to soothe him while he waited patiently. He could already guess what this incident was about, anyway. Sehyoon’s hushed mumbles only confirmed this suspicion.

“...He said no. He doesn’t feel that way back. But... that we’re still okay. And friends.”

This outcome was a bit surprising, if Junhee were being honest, but that wasn’t what the other would want or need to hear right now. He’d been harbouring this crush on Byeongkwan for the past year, only a month or two into their first official meeting after his sister had gushed about her JYP friends to them what felt like so long ago now.

No, he didn’t need to hear any excuses or apologies, because it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Some things just weren’t meant to be and that’s how it was. 

“Will you be okay?”

“...Yeah.” After a while.

“Okay.”

That was all he needed. While Sehyoon was careful and quiet, he wasn’t a liar by nature (and actually kind of sucked at it), so he knew he could trust him on that. Junhee didn’t really know what his relationship history was or how quickly he would be able to recover from a rejection from his best friend, but if he said it would be okay, then it would. It was that simple. Byeongkwan wouldn’t be cruel with it and he certainly wouldn’t forget it, but he would try to make it easier to help him get over it eventually.

It still hurt to see Sehyoon cry, though.

—

Where Sehyoon handled his breakdowns privately, quietly, and as quickly as possible, Junhee was the complete opposite.

He became jittery.

This usually led him to heading to the arcade by himself, using his jitters as a replacement for adrenaline so he could fend off dealing with his emotions and maybe set a new high score somewhere on a fighting game. The usual noise of the arcade both from people and machines helped to distract him from his thoughts. No one disturbed him since he only played single-player games that were probably out of style at this point so he was able to concentrate, to a degree, on not concentrating on anything at all for as long as possible.

It couldn’t be considered the healthiest diversion or way to deal with his emotions, but it gave him time to mindlessly twitch his hands around control sticks and flat red buttons for a while.

The only difference to his routine this time was that Sehyoon had joined him.

Since the Byeongkwan incident, Junhee felt like he’d gained himself another sign of trust from the older man. It was trust he cherished, so he tried to give back to it by giving him his own form of trust back; it was on a similar issue, after all, so it only made sense to share it when it came up.

When he had approached Sehyoon about confessing to Donghun, all he had gotten was a few blinks and a sigh before wishing him luck. Junhee knew at the time that it was risky and unfathomably unlikely, seeing as how much Donghun was out of his damn league, but it was nice to finally confess and get it all out anyway. Things were awkward between them now because of it, but it meant he could finally atop worrying about spilling it by accident somehow. It was freeing. Crushing, but freeing.

Right now it felt more crushing, though. His jitters never really made him better at playing games, and the constant losses flashing across his screens no matter which game he played only served to frustrate him further. Sehyoon watched him go on for a few more rounds before speaking up that they should grab some of the arcade’s shitty pizza slices and find a booth to settle in before Junhee blew all of his money, which he had to hesitantly agree to.

Only once they had their food and were sat in the corner, away from the noise and people as much as possible, did Junhee start rambling.

“I shouldn’t have done it. I should have ignored it until it went away. You can’t imagine the face he made when I told him, Sehyoon, I— of all things, he wanted to comfort me. And I could see him try to figure out how to turn me down without hurting my feelings, while I was standing there like an idiot— I think he pitied me. I don’t know what for. Maybe liking someone in my own group, because that ever works out well for anyone, ever. Maybe just for feeling this way for him. Or a guy. I don’t know. Maybe—“

And that’s how it went for another ten minutes, more or less, with Junhee getting all of his misconstrued worries out on the table. His ‘what if’s became more and more wild with each new sentence as he found something else to point at and accuse of being the problem. It was better to let Junhee wear himself out like this until he was completely defeated, because the more he internalized something, the more he struggled with keeping it from blowing up. Him trying to ignore his feelings had been the only reason they got as bad as they did, and it was why he was sitting here stressing about it for so long with someone that only listened.

That was one of the perks of their friendship, he felt. One was more suited towards talking, soothing people with his words and thoughts because he was honest and upfront about them, and interrupting him only distracted him and sent him into a flurry. The other liked listening because he preferred to know more about the people surrounding him than vice versa. He preferred hearing their trains of thought, seeing what caused reactions from them in what ways, so he knew how to act around them. It let him feel more at ease, being the confidante for someone because they trusted him first and knew he would never tell anyone else.

They understood these things about each other, so Sehyoon let Junhee ramble until he’d gotten everything out and could return to reality, since his mouth liked to go quicker than his mind did.

Junhee sighed.

“I hope we go back to normal soon. I don’t like him avoiding me.”

That was his cue to speak up.

“You’ve been friends the longest, Junhee. You know he cares about you. He wouldn’t let this get between you two; he probably wants to give you space to sort things out and not lead you on.”

Another sigh.

“I know.”

—

There’s a soft gasp that cuts through the stillness of the early morning of the room, the sunlight just starting to spill in past the curtains that were usually kept drawn so they could sleep.

A shush, and the laboured breathing attempts to quiet itself behind the soft fabric of a pillow, where a few more sounds try to find their way out of.

Keeping Junhee from making noise, though, was like trying to tell a 50-man construction crew to build a house at night without disturbing the neighbours.

Sehyoon knew this quite well, and it was why they always had to wait for the dorms to be entirely empty before they got to spend any time together. Sometimes they risked it while only one other person was left with them, usually showering or invested in some TV program, but only by being as careful as possible and keeping the door locked as a precautionary measure.

Sehyoon moved down from where he was hovering over the other, sucking a small mark into his skin over his ribcage while his nails left careful streaks down Junhee’s thighs, inciting more whines. He was too sensitive for his own good, and even this light of touches was usually enough to get him squirming for more like he would break apart if he didn’t get attention. It was fascinating to see, as someone who took a lot of effort to work up to this degree; the things that had Junhee on the edge were the same things that would just get him started, and it made it so fun to play with.

It was also incredibly beneficial, since they had to be so careful about what kinds of marks they left on each other, and where. There were a lot of things he would do to the other’s thighs if given the chance, but usually Sehyoon just had to settle on biting at his hipbone, following the crease of it with his mouth and teasing past the area Junhee wanted him at the most. One of his favourites was ghosting his lips just over his dick, licking the sensitive part under his head and using his breath to send goosebumps running across his skin from the temperature change. Junhee was every bit as expressive with his body as he was with his words and expressions, and he loved seeing how naturally he reacted to anything he did.

Today they were a bit short on time, however, so Sehyoon decided to be a bit more forgiving and blow him with little teasing past that. That sensitivity was just as advantageous when it came to, well, making him come, so it wasn’t long before the blond was whining through the pillow he was biting on and his hips gave a little jolt up towards the heat surrounding him.

Swallowing was better for hiding evidence, even though he didn’t like the taste that much. The things Sehyoon had to suffer for.

At least the “suffering” was made better by the relaxed grin he was given from the man below him, hair strewn across his forehead and cheeks flushed. The lighting made him seem fragile and soft, as if he had to handle him with the utmost care or else risk breaking him apart. Yeah. He supposed suffering wasn’t too bad after all.

—

Their relationship was something neither of them had planned on starting. They both admitted they weren’t explicitly straight or gay, and it was something difficult to pinpoint seeing as how they had both managed to fall for two other members of their group. This wasn’t really the issue.

When it started, they were both still getting over their respective rejections and crushes, licking at each others’ wounds (not as literally, yet). Really, even now, they both still gave the shyest glance towards the subjects of their pining, still felt their pulses catch for half of a second when they made skin on skin contact. They both knew it, both for themselves and for each other.

Maybe that was why it started the way it did and ended up like this. There was a lot of unresolved tension. Sehyoon was used to being physically close with Byeongkwan all the time, with the cuddling and hugs; Junhee had always craved more, past the hugs and times that Donghun attacked his sides with tickles, wishing for as much contact as he seemed to give Chan. Where one was drowning in the overwhelming presence of Byeongkwan’s warmth, the other was desperate for more and didn’t know how to get it, especially now that his alternate feelings were known. The lack of it sometimes brought Junhee to Sehyoo, instead. Not very often and usually out of sight of the other members, only slipping into his arms for a few moments so he could finally breathe before they would go back to normal.

The need for attention didn’t escape Sehyoon’s notice, so when Junhee started inviting himself into his bed at night with misty eyes and a frown, he let him stay. Sometimes, he would ask for the favour in return. He wasn’t used to being held by someone that wasn’t Byeongkwan, but he could see why Junhee needed this. It was their own world they shared when they needed it, a silent pact between them that they would be there for each other no matter what.

Sehyoon was the one that initiated it.

It only began as a kiss. He was a lot more romantic than he was given credit for, and while he wouldn’t say he was in love with Junhee or anything, he couldn’t deny the attraction of the safety he represented. There were things now he could confidently say he would share with only him, since some were too closely related to Byeongkwan to tell. He wouldn’t understand, though he would make every effort to, no matter how uncomfortably Sehyoon tried giving him the details. With Junhee, he felt understood, having been in the same situation as him before.

And, admittedly, when he first goes for the kiss, Junhee looks too soft and cute for him to resist. Though they weren’t the ones in love with each other, he felt that their bond would allow for something more, albeit less easily defined. A way for them both to get the kind of relief they needed in a whole new way that wouldn’t leave their hearts heavy in want. A release. He was tired of them both moping in the late hours like this together, huddled in one of their beds and trying not to wake up the energetic blond sleeping on the bunk below them.

Junhee wasn’t one to be left speechless often, but judging by his expression when he pulled back— illuminated by the grace of a small booklight he kept clipped to the edge of his bunk— he felt the same need. They couldn’t talk about it directly for now without fear of waking up the one below, but Sehyoon could tell that the kiss started something new for them.

—

They managed to keep it a secret for a lot longer than they thought they could. It was Donghun who began noticing first how much closer they had become to each other; sometimes he would catch them off to the side by themselves, laughing about something or being a bit less careful about keeping their hands on each others’ arms or backs for longer than usual. 

He noticed how often they would come out of their room at the same time like they had woken up just then, once or twice with a mark on their cheek that looked suspiciously like the pattern of the shirt the other one was wearing. 

He noticed how, every once in a while, they would choose to stay behind at the dorms together while the other three went out, with a few various excuses for them to stay behind. When they got back afterwards, once or twice he would find them in the attic, talking about something on Sehyoon’s computer.

It was kind of hard to not notice when he came back by himself one time, earlier than he’d planned, and heard a lot more racket than he ever needed to. Never in his life had Donghun imagined what Junhee’s voice would sound like moaning out Sehyoon’s name loud and clear; his legs scrambled to get him out of there as quickly as possible while his brain seemingly shut down, refusing to process what he had heard.

—

Trying to ask them about it individually would be damn impossible. There were too many questions Donghun had whirring around in his head for the next week afterwards that he wasn’t sure only one of them could answer, so his only option was to take them out one day without the two youngest. He explained it as a hyung line’s day out and left it at that. Not that there were many protests, anyway, since it just meant more private space to themselves for a while.

He spent the day dragging them around various shops, prompting conversations about anything when needed but mostly trying to get a feel for what they were like. Obviously, they were still just as attentive to him being there; they didn’t seem too wrapped up in their own little world to shove him out. That was a good sign, at least.

It wasn’t until later in the day after they were carting around their fair share of small bags of trinkets and various items they needed at the dorm that Donghun felt they were relaxed enough to question. Their last stop was their practice room so they could drop off some of the cleaning supplies and such they had bought earlier just so they wouldn’t have to carry them with them in the morning.

The overhead lights buzzed on as they entered and flipped the switches, the room comfortably quiet since they were the only ones here. It would have been eerie if this basement weren’t a home away from their dorm-home.

“We need to talk.” Donghun’s tone let the other two know he was serious and insistent, but he hoped it didn’t come across as demanding or scolding. Really, he didn’t want to discourage them from whatever they had going on since it seemed to be helping them more than hindering, but he had a right to worry about it all the same.

They settled on the futon stuffed into the corner of their practice room, the eldest dragging over the wheeled chair from their CEO’s desk so he could sit in front of them like he was about to lecture two children.

“What kind of relationship do you both have?”

The question startled the blond on the left, almost gaping up at Donghun. He would have apologized, but in this situation, it was better to be blunt about what he was looking for.

“Are you dating?”

This question, too, is met with silence, but at least it prompts Junhee and Sehyoon to look at each other almost in time for how to answer this. He would be more amused by the synchronism if he weren’t serious about this. Thankfully, after a few more terse moments, Junhee decided he had enough of an answer from Sehyoon to give him something to work with.

“Not exactly.” What? “We don’t go on dates.” Okay, sure. He can believe that much. “It’s just... an agreement.”

...Donghun would be lying if he said he understood what that meant.

“Like, you know... an.. arrangement? But closer than that, and less business-sounding. Stress relief, but... comfortable.”

Yeah. He was lost.

“I... How did it start?” Maybe if he asked for details instead of a definition, he would be able to grasp what this meant, exactly. Maybe.

“I, er... Well—“

“It started because of you,” Sehyoon supplied, finally seeming a little nervous and playing with the hem of his jacket sleeve. “...And Kwan, for me. Because we both liked people we couldn’t have.” Ah, that—

Wait. “So you’re saying this,” he said with a waved hand between the both of them, “started because of your feelings for us?”

“Well. Yes.”

“So, what, you... imagine you’re with.. us, when you’re with each other? Like a stand-in?”

The second he finishes his sentence he gets an immediate no from both of them, leaving him even more stumped.

Junhee looks towards Sehyoon again and bites his lip while thinking of words to say, but at least this time he doesn’t have to supply the talking. It surprises both of them that Sehyoon elects to explain while taking hold of Junhee’s hand and playing with one of his fingers.

“It only started because we could only share this... stuff with each other. We couldn’t talk about it with the people that rejected us without making it awkward, right?” Nod nod. “So we helped each other cope with it. Maybe a little, at first, I kept thinking of Kwannie, but...” His confidence trailed off there, and he probably would have dropped Jun’s hand if it didn’t squeeze around his.

“I agree.” At least their leader got his words back, and Donghun watched as they started directing their explanations towards each other, like they’d forgotten he was the one who originally brought the topic up. “It wasn’t like this. Before. I always thought he was attractive, but I only liked, uh.. Donghun.. so it wasn’t really... the same. But now it’s... I’m comfortable being with him, not because we’re both kind of pathetic for being in love, but he’s... a companion. I don’t know if it’s the same kind of crushes, or anything, but... it’s special.” Junhee wasn’t even looking at Donghun anymore, and all of a sudden he felt like he was intruding on something private, something he shouldn’t be witnessing. “I don’t know what it is. But I wouldn’t give it up for the world.”


End file.
